Who am I, a sinner, a saint, or both? Yes, I would say so. I am both at various times. I am not a Minister, Preacher, Pastor or whatever other title you might want to apply to it. I am simply a man that gave up.
I gave up because I didn’t want to ever go through the experience I had been through again, ever. I didn’t want to make the same mistakes I had been making for years. I didn’t want to be the cause of anyone else hurting because of my mistakes.
Giving up can mean a lot of things to a single person, giving up on dating, on men, on women, on life in general, becoming hard hearted and guarded not allowing anyone in that could cause us pain anymore.
The kind of giving up I am talking about is control. I was in complete control of my life when things unraveled and I became alone again. I wasn’t relying on God for any of the decisions I was making, all of my actions were my own.
I am sure it doesn’t make sense that I would give up during one of the roughest times of my life but that is exactly what God was telling me to do. The idea went completely against every thought and emotion I had at the time. Giving up was the last thing I wanted to do. I wanted to fix the hurt, fix the situation, fix whatever I could so all of it would go away and life could be normal again. But giving up was the answer and I fought Him every step of the way.
I had grown so use to making snap decisions about business and any other thing that if felt I was in complete control of my life and I didn’t want to let go. Little did I know what I perceived to be control was just chaos in disguise. What looked to be a normal life like everyone else was an illusion of my own creation.
Mathew 11:29-30 –NIV- Jesus says “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Jesus said His burden is light. I made it hard, He didn’t. I was the one making my life difficult trying to make everything fit into this perfect little box called life. I chased everything in this world I could get my hands on. Money was my idol and preferred thing to run after, for what? It never brought me peace.
All my lust, greed, envy, jealousy, hate, anger, selfishness, pride and control ever created, was a life not worthy of Him. He created everything, why in the world would I think I would be able to create a perfect life for myself outside of His instruction and will. I couldn’t do it. All those things brought me was a broken, hardened heart.
I gave up. I gave up trying to find the perfect woman. I gave up trying to create a life that keeps up with the Joneses. I gave up trying to be something other than what He created me for.
My prayer is for you to give up also. It’s not quitting on life, far from it, it’s the most peaceful thing you can do. Does it seem strange to give up your control? Absolutely, but He has bigger plans for you than you could ever imagine on your own. It gives you a sense of purpose for your life, direction and plans worth pursuing.
He created it all why not give up trying to chase after small bits and pieces of something when He wants to give you so much more.