I have often wondered why people say 50% of the people are single but you don’t find them in church. Married people will tell you to go to church to find a good man or a good woman. That statement in itself may be the problem. We think good people are in church and we aren’t good enough for them.
Why Singles avoid church?
What is stopping single people from attending church regularly? Fear may be the biggest contributing factor. Fear of being rejected by the people in the church, fear of not fitting in, fear of making married people uncomfortable.
That last one may sound odd, but more and more that seems to be the reality. Single men are not at church to take your wife. Single women are not at church to take your husband. Single women tell me over and over they are looking for a man to lead and single men are looking for a woman that will respect them. I am not seeing either of those attributes from the married men and women at the church, so why would we want what you have? We see how married people treat each other at church, where they are supposedly on their best behavior and we really aren’t seeing very many shining examples of what marriage should be.
Single people are coming to church because we are feeling the need to connect with God and in a lot of cases, get our lives where they need to be with God. Church is supposed to be family, so naturally we would go to family in those times but it sure doesn’t seem like family for most singles. Once we are in a relationship and come to church everyone is friendly and welcoming to us. But when we are alone, when we need to feel secure some place, most of us feel like we are the lepers that came to church. Yes, singles avoid church.
The church is failing most, single people. They say we are flaky, we come in and sit at the back and leave early without talking to anyone, this is true. In a lot of cases, we are hurting people trying to find a place to feel safe and be part of something. Yes, you could put the blame on us, but as a church we need to embrace single people and teach them before they go out and get into another relationship. We have premarital classes for them, marriage classes once they are married and recovery classes if they chose wrong but what about teaching them before these steps? Maybe we could slow down the horrendous divorce rate.
Maybe, the craziest part of how church people treat others is when we are married, part of the church, involved in the church and feel like we are family and then life happens are we are single again. What once felt like a family we were a part of now shuns us because we are single.
My best friend past away a couple of years ago. He and his family were very involved with their church and loved being there. His widow, who is one of the most amazing people I have ever met, posted on Facebook that she had found a new church to call home because the people that were her husbands friends walked past her like they didn’t know her. God calls us all to take care of widows, not shun them because they are now considered single.
Single people need to join together and come to church to seek the purpose God has for their lives. It may be up to us to change the church into a welcoming place for us. By showing who we are maybe we can change the stigma of how we are perceived.
I am also calling on the churches to embrace single people for the hurting, wounded people a lot of us are. Jesus says, where 2 or 3 are gathered I am there also. Don’t make us go it alone.